02 March 2011

Playground Etiquette

A couple of days ago, Stu and I took the boys to a new playground since A) it was a beautiful day outside and B) the boys REALLY needed to get out of the house. While we were there, however, I noted some very alarming things. So, me being me, I have compiled a(nother) list of things (or rules) that I feel are imperative when playing at the playground.

  1. Watch you children. I can not overstate this enough. I know that the playground affords moms (and dads) a few minutes of peace (certainly not quiet), but just because there's a fence around the main area does NOT mean that your child will stay within those boundaries.
  2. Do not allow your too-big-for-the-playground-child to jump off of the top of the slide. It's dangerous. Small children watch this and want to emulate the action. I do NOT want to take my child to the ER anytime soon, thankyouverymuch.
  3. I am all for sharing but when your child takes my child's toy and throws it across the playground in a fit of frustration for not being allowed to play with said toy, I will say something to your child.
  4. And if that same child then steals my child's toy and takes it to his bag, I will remove MY child's toy from YOUR child's bag and give you a dirty look. 
  5. If you have to reach into your vagina to pull your shorts down, THEY ARE TOO SHORT. Yes, they are.
  6. Don't cuss. Period.
  7. Don't use the playground as a make-out session opportunity. I'm sure the parents of the kids that you are babysitting would be horrified to know that you are meeting your boyfriend at the park whilst their innocent children watch in wonder at what you are doing.
  8. I appreciate parents that climb through the playground with their children, really, I do. BUT if you think that you are too big to fit thru the slide, please don't try and prove yourself wrong. It's a really unattractive image. Trust me.
  9. Your dog may be the friendliest creature on the planet and I do love dogs, but there's a leash law for a reason. 
  10. My legs ARE that white. You might want to put sunglasses on before you venture a glance at them.


Aubrey said...

You are hilarious!!! The shorts comment---AMEN!