03 May 2012


Alright. So I need to get some things off my chest. (which is why I am going to close comments, because I'm not looking to have a pity party. I really just need to vent.)

I am a perfectionist. I am obsessive. I am a planner. I have control issues. I have extreme anxiety.

Are we all clear?

I know all this about me. Hello, I am me. I know that it's not right that I start to sweat when someone else does the dishes. I know that it's not normal for me to stay up all hours of the night worrying about something that might happen if something else might happen. I realize that most people don't balance their checkbook daily, then check that against their online account and then further re-crunch their spreadsheet numbers. I understand that it's a bit strange that I like to have clothes hanging in rainbow color order.

I know.

What I don't know and don't like is when I am ridiculed and made fun of for these things. Of course, I can take a joke. And I even dole some out at my own expense. But to be set apart for having anxiety issues in front a group of people really bothers me.

This is not something that I can just snap my fingers and be done with. Anxiety is an illness. Yes, I am currently not seeing a medical professional for these issues. Yes, I did in the past. However, it does not help the anxiety that I already have to be put down for the desire to want to plan or make lists or categorize my pantry.

This is who I am.

Trust me, worrying about anything and everything is not pleasant. If I could just let things go, I would. But I can't. I can't.

I also am very aware that most people around me are not as obsessively inclined as I am. So I try to be humorous when it comes  to my neurotic tendencies. Which normally helps ease the gap between my compulsions and the laid back attitudes of others.

But I'm still human and it doesn't feel great to be brought down. Especially for something that is not entirely under my control.

{stepping off my soapbox}

Alright, for grins, here's Tucker's latest self portrait.