30 September 2009


I woke up this morning and stepped in dog vomit. Fun.

On a much better note, Luke went home last night!! Hallelujah!

And for those of you that just want a really good laugh, check this out.

29 September 2009

Can't I get a break?

After a long night in which my co-worker got sick (literally) minutes after I got to work and had to call the on-call person who then had to scramble to find someone to come in at 11:30 pm who would then work till 7 am, I came home to hell.

I know, whoa Clarissa! Why such strong language? This is why:

Upon arriving at my house this morning, I am greeted by Tyson screaming gibberish at me. Tucker is no where. Stuart is grasping at things under the kitchen sink. My couch is naked. And the dogs are hiding.

Clue #1-something is not right.

Apparently Tucker woke up early again and decided to have some fun at our home's expense. I'm not sure of the order of events but it went something like this:

  • Tucker dumped out the contents of Stuart's backpack
  • He then found the Sharpie and proceeded to take notes in one of Stuart's textbooks
  • He fanned out all 100 note cards and possibly took notes on them as well
  • He decided to turn his body into artwork and decorated his arms, face and feet
  • Giving up the Sharpie, he decided to look for a good DVD
  • And dumped the entire drawer of DVDs on the floor (amazingly only cracking one)
  • Not able to choose a suitable cinematic score, he decided to investigate the kitchen
  • And found some oil/grease spray
  • He then lubed up the couch/ottoman/floor/and scattered DVDs

At this time Tyson wakes up and finds the colossal mess that Tucker has made and runs into our bedroom to wake up Stuart. Stuart comes out and is completely dumbfounded by the ruins that is now our living room. He claims he never heard Tucker. Right. (And might I just add that I always hear things. Like ALWAYS. I'm just saying.)
And now?

Now I am home alone since my handsome husband had to go to school; left picking up the pieces of my shattered house while functioning on no sleep.

The good news?

The boys got their Halloween costumes in the mail and are currently running around screaming "RROOAARR" and "ARRR." Can you guess what they are?

The story of my life



28 September 2009


My husband is a brilliant, ridiculously smart man. However he does something that is so utterly stupid (I know, I'm not supposed to say "stupid" but this really warrants it) I can not fathom how his Einstein brain registers it.

He tips at a drive thru.

Let's look at this again: he tips, as in gives an extra amount of money that might or might not be equal to 20% of the total at a food establishment in which he is driving thru to procure his fillings.

The man gave a $3 tip at a drive thru. (and no this was not Sonic. I have very different feelings when it comes to tipping the car hop at Sonic because he/she actually brings the food out to your car vs. standing at a sliding window and shoving food that has been haphazardly crammed into a bag into your face while you are attempting to hand over your form of payment so that you won't forget and drive off with unpaid food. Clearly the car hop at Sonic is doing something, although now that they have credit cards machines on the ordering screen, it makes it really difficult to give a tip since I never have cash. Sorry.)

I'm not sure what is more appalling, the fact that he gave a monetary tip to a person at a drive thru or the fact that the tip was three whole dollars.

Either way, we have had this discussion before. Not only is it ludicrous to give a tip at a drive thru BUT it also throws my checkbook balance completely out of whack. And you know never to mess with a woman and her balanced checkbook.

Shout Outs:
Online banking-my perfect mate.
Tupperware-you + kids = great.
High of 80-yeah, yeah.

Apparently he's been in a good mood lately

25 September 2009

Get Out

You have got to be kidding! This story is so unbelievably unbelievable that I had to post it. (Just click on the photo to see the story)
And I thought I was doing good with my little 9 pound babies. Geesh!

24 September 2009


23 September 2009

This and That

I've spent the last couple of days cleaning things out.
Tucker's 3T clothes have to be separated out and sent to CB.
Tyson's 4T clothes have to be separated and some moved to Tucker's closet.
Summer shoes have to be pulled out and fall/winter shoes located and/or purchased.
Coats and hoodies have to be pulled out and/or purchased.
The dogs need new winter collars.
The yard needs a desperate cleaning out/weeding before everything really dies.
Oh, and my blog got a little fall face-lift. :)

Have you taken a gander over here to check on Luke? He should be going home soon!
Also, can you pray for this family? He's a pilot in the Air Force. His wife was diagnosed with cancer in March and also found out they were pregnant with their first child in the same month. Their daughter was born September 8 (a month early). His wife passed away yesterday morning.

Shout Outs:
Warranties-Stuart dropped and broke his phone this weekend.
Adjustable waist straps-long legs/tiny waist=my kids.
Fall-LOVE this weather!

22 September 2009


Tyson: Mommy, I want to go outside and play.
Me: Baby, we can't go outside because it's raining.
Tyson: Why mommy?
Me: Because it's raining and it's cold outside.
Tyson: But why is it raining?
Me: Because God wanted it to rain today.
Tyson: But why did God want it to rain?
Me: Because God knows that we need rain.
Tyson: But why did God make it rain?
Me: Because he wants the grass to get one more drink of water before winter.
Tyson: But why does the grass need more water?
Me: I'm not sure.
Tyson: So why did God give it more water?
Me: Because God knows more than mommy.
Tyson: Does God know more than Daddy?
Me: Yup. God knows everything.
Tyson: He knows more than daddy? Wow.
Me: I know, pretty fun huh?
Tyson: Does God know about cars?
Me: Uh huh.
Tyson: Wow.

21 September 2009

Home Sweet Not MY Home

Yesterday Stuart found 3 baby kittens in the dumpster behinde our house. They were so tiny he didn't want to chance leaving them, so he climbed on in and pulled them out. The boys were immediately smitten and spent a good chunk of time outside boy-handling them. At one point Tucker put one of the kittens in the back of his truck and drove it around the yard. Tyson kept proclaiming, "they're just the sweetest thing I eber did seen mommy!"

Unfortunately mommy is allergic to kitty-kats so they couldn't stay. Stuart put an add up on Craigslist and within minutes someone offered to give them a good home. I wasn't home for the hand-off but apparently there were some tears shed and someone may have promised their son that they could go look at the kitties later. (Not sure where that someone plans on taking his son to do this...)

And yes Aunt Misty and Dr. Bri, we washed our hands really well after playing with them!

20 September 2009

Here's a Tip...

  • Don't bring your 6 month old child into the ER complaining of 104 fever at 2 am and then be utterly shocked when your child's temp is in fact 98.7 and you indeed have to wait to see the doctor for more than 10 minutes
  • Don't expect to go to the back of the ER when you have beaten the ambulance which is carrying your mother in. Sorry that you didn't just drive her yourself.
  • Don't expect that if you come into the ER by ambulance that you are automatically going to be seen as soon as you enter thru the doors. That's not the way it works.
  • Don't assume that if the waiting room is empty that the back of the ER is empty too. We have 37 rooms + 6 hall beds; they might all be full.
  • Don't assume that if the waiting room is full that the wait time in the ER is 7 hours. All those people in the waiting room could be family members for one patient.
  • Don't bring your entire family with you to the ER. The rooms are small. And the waiting room gets crowded.
  • Don't leave your two year old unattended so that you can _______. NEVER leave your child alone.
  • Don't assume that the person sitting next to you complaining of stomach pain is any less important than you are. He/she may have more than just stomach pains. And you may not, in fact have the worst illness known to man.
  • Don't jump out of a moving vehicle. No matter what you think, the end result is not going to be pretty.
  • Don't underestimate the power of vomit.

18 September 2009

Post Birthday Letdown

I remember growing up being so sad the day after my birthday. It was no longer my birthday. I mean, really could life be any sadder? Well except for that Christmas is a whopping 4 days after my birthday so there was naturally something bigger and better to be excited about, but still it wasn't my birthday.

So naturally I'm feeling that same let down for my son. It's no longer his birthday. It's just another regular 'ole day in the life of a 4 year old. Man, four years old. That's just inconceivable but yet here he is, all grown up and 1461 days old. Geez...

Let's reminisce about yesterday then shall we?

We woke up at a nice and early time of 6:12 am. Tyson came bounding into out room and proclaimed "I'm TWO!" Apparently he thinks birthdays go backwards in years. We have gotten him to admit that's he's actually four but it's yet to be seen if that knowledge will stick. So up we all got (including daddy who didn't quite understand why he too had to get out of bed but was nudged very sweetly from his wife); the boys tore off into the living room to open presents while I snapped photos.

It took Tyson all of 30 seconds to get into all his presents and then the meltdown began. Tucker didn't understand why he also couldn't open presents and Tyson wanted no part of Tucker even breathing on his new treasures. The dogs were beyond confused with all the energy bouncing off the walls and Stuart just wanted to go back to bed. I slaved away in the kitchen making pancakes, which Tyson didn't even touch because he was too engrossed in newness and Scout made it her personal mission to eradicate our house of the monstrous balloon beast.

Playing took over most of the morning which allowed me a few minutes to sneak into the attic and locate my sewing machine (I really need to hem my work pants and a few other do dads and just haven't been inclined to make the trek up the boat stairs and dig around in the bowels of the northern most point of our house). That feat accomplished, I unearthed the boys jeans (seriously, it was actually cool enough for pants! Dare I say fall is here?) and loaded them up in search of party supplies. Just plates, napkins (which are still unopened) and plastic utensils-which we got in blue because Tyson did not want the ones that said Happy Birthday.

Lunch was a happy treat of new lunchables. The boys are bonkers for the new lunchables that have water with koolaid mix and jello. My vacuum cleaning decided to give up the ghost just as I finished in the living room which afforded Tucker is greatest dream realized-having his own "real" vacuum cleaner to play with. This also means that I have approximately 1 day to find a replacement vacuum since the dog hair is currently laughing at me.

One of Tyson's friends came over for dinner and also realized one of Stuart's dreams-a remote control car for Tyson.

Pizza, cake, ice cream, and juice filled us all as well as screams and shouts and laughing and playing.

Then it was off to bed where I'm sure that neither child realized that today was going to be just a normal day.

For Stuart and I the night continued with the season premiere of Survivor (you can laugh but I have watched every single season and I am not about to give it up now) and The Office. And what's next you ask?? Stuart's birthday. He turns 31 on October 9. But I'm just not sure if he's going to get the Speedracer cake or the Moosetracks ice cream.

17 September 2009

Happy Birthday Tyson!

16 September 2009


14 September 2009

Family Portrait

Simple Math

ready to be awake
ability to turn DVD player on
having a DVD in the player
4:45 am wake up call

13 September 2009

The planets aligned

Well it's been one heck of a bummer weekend around here. Somehow all the planets aligned just so and all four of us have been bitten by the allergy bug. Not that having allergies is unusual for us, it's just that normally they don't hit so hard AND all at once. To be blunt-it sucks.

To add insult to injury, it has been raining since Thursday night. Great for my yard and bringing forth of cooler temperatures, not so great for my kiddos who HAVE to expend energy and my dogs who track in muddy paw prints. It's a mess.

Last night though is when this miracle of maladies (so doesn't makes sense but I'm going with it) came to a head.

You see, Stuart has sleep apnea and has to sleep with a C-Pap.

Sleep apnea is a common disorder in which you have one or more pauses in breathing or shallow breaths while you sleep.

Breathing pauses can last from a few seconds to minutes. They often occur 5 to 30 times or more an hour. Typically, normal breathing then starts again, sometimes with a loud snort or choking sound.

Sleep apnea usually is a chronic (ongoing) condition that disrupts your sleep 3 or more nights each week. You often move out of deep sleep and into light sleep when your breathing pauses or becomes shallow.

This results in poor sleep quality that makes you tired during the day. Sleep apnea is one of the leading causes of excessive daytime sleepiness.

He was diagnosed while still in the Air Force and luckily got his C-Pap during that time too. It started with just the nasal mask and then progressed to the full mask.Why do you need to know this? Well, because Stuart snores. Like really, really bad. We're talking full on, bed shaking, have to poke him in the shoulder to get him to turn over, can't hear a tornado warning over it bad. (He claims that I snore too but I don't know how he would know this seeing as how nothing can be heard over his snoring, but whatever) When Stuart got his first nasal mask it took a lot of getting used to. First, he attached to the machine by this huge tube and so he can't really turn and move normally without adjusting the tubing. Secondly, with just the nasal mask he was still able to breath out of his mouth and with all that positive air pressure going into his nose, his snoring got exponentially louder (I didn't even realize that this was possible). After getting tangled in the tubing and having one too many pokes from me to close his mouth, he would give up and take the whole contraption off. A week or so later he returned home with the full mask and my life was changed forever. I am so not even kidding.

See this full mask covers his nose AND mouth. Which means I can't hear him snore. I can not tell you how amazing that first night of sleep was. And apparently it did wonders for Stuart too.

So we've been going along now for months, sleeping soundly (well semi-soundly because although you can't hear Stuart snore, you can hear the hum of the machine) when last night hits. See, there's a point to this story! Since we're all filled with snot and can't really breath thru our noses, Stuart decided to forgo his C-Pap and just sleep unaided. BAD IDEA honey. Lord have mercy if I almost didn't get out of bed and go sleep on the couch. I guess all these months of C-Pap sleeping have helped me forget the level to which my handsome husband snores. It's bad. Really, really, really bad.

So here's to the planets un-aligning today. Otherwise it's going to be a really, really, really long day.

Shout Outs:
Crayons-always good on a rainy day.
Kleenex-so nice and soft.
Benadryl- yeah.

12 September 2009

A day in pictures

11 September 2009

I Remember

I remember getting up so stinkin' early so that I could get to SAC in time to get a parking spot.
I remember taking a cat nap in my car and listening to other drivers park around me.
I remember my first class-actually I don't remember it, but ah well.
I remember going to my next class and there was this weird note that classes were canceled for the day.
I remember seeing dreary faces as I walked back to my car.
I remember checking my phone and having 20 missed calls (all from my mom).
I remember turning the radio on and pulling over because I couldn't wrap my head around what was being said.
I remember being huddled around our small work tv.
I remember the horror on my face.
I remember trying really hard to think that this was NOT the end.
I remember our boss sending us home; we weren't going to get any work done that day.
I remember staring at the tv for hours at home.
I remember crying and crying and crying.
I remember calling in sick to my other job for no other reason than I couldn't get off the couch.
I remember having to call my old roommate to deal with getting our deposit back. (AND 9-11-81 was her birthday)
I remember thinking that this would be a day that I could honestly say changed the world.
I remember.

And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High;
for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,
to give his people the knowledge of salvation
through the forgiveness of their sins,
because of the tender mercy of our God,
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
Luke 1:76-78

10 September 2009

Table for Two

Child: Um, I wanted to see what the wait time was.
Me: Are you needing to be seen by a doctor?
Child: Um, no, well kinda. My mom wants me to put her name on the list.
Me: Is your mom with you?
Child: No, she's at the house getting ready. She just wants me to put her on the list.
Me: Sweetheart, we can't put your mom "on the list" without her being here. How did you get up to the hospital?
Child: I rode my bike.
Me: Did anyone come with you?
Child: Um, no. My mom let's me ride wherever I want to. {I'm seriously supposed to know this}
Me: Well, you need to go back home and make sure that when you come back you are with your mom. And please be careful going home.

Note-the ER is not a restaurant. We can't put your name on the list so that your room is ready when you get here. And also, children should NEVER ride their bicycles alone to the ER to put your name on the list.

09 September 2009

Full House

It took precisely 3.7 minutes for my house to go from perfectly perfect
the boys are home again.

08 September 2009


07 September 2009

Labor Day

Four years ago today I was going to have a baby. I mean, I was going to have him. There was no way that I was going to go one more day. It wasn't possible. There were not enough words to describe how ready I was to have him; and just as few words to describe how ready I was to not be pregnant anymore. Don't get me wrong, I loved my pregnancy. I had one of the best and drama-less pregnancies a girl could ask for. Well except for the whole SVT at 32 weeks and having to have my heart restarted thing, but that was no biggie. Ha!

So, there I was, September 7, 2005-my due date-and I was going to have him.

And then I woke up and it was the next day. And there was still this giant mass attached to me known as my stomach. And I was 40 weeks and 1 day.

Now I have a little bone to pick about that. Why are we always told that the length of gestation is 9 months? 9 months is only 36 weeks. That's a whole 4 weeks less than 40 weeks. (Here is where Stuart would tell me that technically a month has 4.2 or 4.3 weeks in it not just 4; so technically women are only pregnant for 9 months. And then I would lovingly give him a look and maybe hit his arm and tell him he just doesn't understand what it's like to be with child for almost a year AND that beauty happened to be HIS son. Ahem.) So this whole 40 weeks/9 months thing is bogus NOT TO MENTION that you actually go PAST your due date and so you can be pregnant for MORE THAN 40 WEEKS (aka 10 months).

I wake up on September 8, 2005 and come to realize that the world is just not fair. And my doctor is not fair for not inducing me so that I could have that child that I had been carrying around for 10 months. And that child was not fair for not making more of a ruckus to get out. And my goodness if I got the wrong drink at Starbucks that day and it took all my energy not to unload on the barista.

Back to labor day though-mine didn't actually come for 10 more days. That's right. My darling (almost 4 year old) was 10 whole days late.

So here's to you and yours on this Labor Day...don't do anything that will require a trip to the ER!

05 September 2009

Dust balls

Do you know what it's like to be in a house all by yourself??
It's quiet.
And clean.
And empty.
And you can run around in your underwear and only worry about someone knocking on the door to see you.
And you can eat on the couch and not feel bad because you told your kids they couldn't.
And you can go to the bathroom by yourself.
And you can watch non-cartoon television.
And you can watch the new dust balls form and know that they aren't going to get thrown around by cars.
And you can...be by yourself.

But I do miss them, just a little bit.

03 September 2009

Just Me

This weekend, well this afternoon actually, Stuart and the boys are going to SA for Labor Day weekend. I have to work. So I am going to be here all weekend BY MYSELF. What's a girl to do?? (Besides sleep all day and work all night)And this little guy? This little guy is going to be FOUR in 14 days!!

02 September 2009


Tyson: Mommy, can I have more butter?
Me: No, your raisin bread already has butter on it.
Tyson: But it all melted.
Me: That doesn't mean that there isn't any butter on it.
Tyson: But it's all melted!
Me: I know. Maybe you should have eaten your bread before all the butter melted.
Tyson: But mommy! I really need more butter.
Me: Booger, I promise you that you are going to be just fine with the amount of butter that you have.
Tyson: But there's no-more-butter.
Tucker:Here go Tucker. hands Tyson the butter (Tucker calls Tyson Tucker)
Me: Tucker, you can't get the butter out of the fridge. But thank you for thinking of your brother.
Tucker: Tucker (meaning Tyson) more butter now.
Me: Oh forget it.

And in precisely 10 minutes they will be trying to pull each other off the couch.

01 September 2009


Last night my co-workers and I were talking about another one of our co-workers whom just had a baby. It started off with babies, then led to pregnancy, followed by birth stories, which was preceded by husbands and ended with proposals (one of my co-workers claims that she WILL be proposed to at a baseball game but she first has to find a boyfriend and then he has to KNOW that that's the correct way in which to promise his life to her...if she only knew!). Anywho, all this chatter made me start thinking about Stuart and all his little nuances. Funny man I married.

  • Stuart does not watch sports. Not a lick of 'em. We don't even have ESPN programmed on our guide because we seriously DO NOT WATCH SPORTS. Unless the Spurs are in the playoffs and then he might glance up while I am shouting at the tv.
  • Stuart is actually pretty shy. The man can fit in pretty well anywhere we go but if left to his own devices he would rather be a wall flower.
  • Stuart used to be bleach blonde. So.stinkin.cute.
  • Stuart can take apart and put back together anything. I am so not kidding.
  • Stuart has this amazing way of diffusing situations. Particularly situations regarding my hot temper. And those that involve Tucker putting Tyson in a choke hold.
  • Stuart really enjoys beer. His favorites are Boddingtons, Guinness, Young's Double Chocolate Stout, Bass, and those that are handed to him directly from a brewery.
  • Stuart's one weakness include but are not limited to: ice cream, Oreos, chips, cookies, french fries, onion rings, fried cheese and cheeseburgers.
  • Stuart has this desire to fix everybody's anything, whether you ask him to or not.
  • Stuart can find anything on the Internet.
  • Stuart ALWAYS looks for a better deal.
  • For our 10 year anniversary (12/28/2012), Stuart wants a full set of tools with his initials engraved in them.
Shout Outs:
63 degrees!!!