23 March 2011


Recently I have been inundated with memories. Whether from moving into the house I grew up in, watching my baby sister get married, running into my ex-boyfriend's brother at the zoo or going to a baby shower at the home of another ex-boyfriend's best friend's house, these memories are attacking me on all fronts.

And I'm not really sure what to do with them.

Let's start with the zoo shall we? I have written about this particular boyfriend several times. He was the guy that I dated before Stuart and I honestly thought I was going to marrying him (that is until he broke up with me on Valentine's Day because I wasn't Christian enough for him). Several of my mommy friends and their kids went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago. Everything was going along peachy-keen when out of nowhere, in the bird house, I look up and realize I know this man. It took me a second, then BAM! Holy cow!
Are you...?"
"Uh, huh. I know who you are."
The flood gates were not only opened but ripped apart. All these emotions came tumbling down at me and I was completely dumbfounded. Why was I remembering him? Why now? More importantly, why did I care?

Fast forward to last Saturday. I was headed to a baby shower for a childhood friend. She's from out-of-town and I haven't seen her in years. The shower was at a beautiful house and I was immediately greeted by the hostesses as I walked in the door. As I introduced myself one of the hostesses started to get a funny look on her face.
"So how do you know J?"
"Well we grew up going to camp together."
"Really? My son went to that camp. What's your last name again?"
"It's Doss, but my maiden name is Chisholm."
"That's it! You're Clarissa Chisholm! You dated him for forever! {Wow, way to throw me into a tailspin.} I'm R's mom. Do you remember him? {Um, how could I forget? He was one of his best friends.}
"Yes I do."

Now he's the crazy thing. I can't stop thinking about certain things: this guy and Cesar repainting my parent's house, the other guy and I going skiing together, this guy and I going to the Phantom of the Opera, the other guy's 3 years of football games, this guy crazy logic, the other guy's fantastic family. All these memories are bombarding me and I can't figure out what to do with them.

I don't have any feelings for them (obviously) so why the sappy walk down memory lane?
Why now?
Is repainting going to stir up every emotion I have?
Was seeing the other guy's parents at my sister's wedding really supposed to shake me the way it did?
Is it going to always be this way?

There were some really great times that I had with both these men but I don't want to feel like I'm drowning in these memories.
Again, I ask, why now?
Why do I do with them?


Raena said...

That's happened to me before. I look at it as an opportunity to remember the good, let go of the bad, & take a moment to bethankful oh God's ultimate plan for my life.

Andrea said...

Eh, it's normal. Every now and then (usually when I go to my parents house) I think about R. He painted the house across the street from my parents house two years ago and asked about me. I swooned. :) It's silly. He pops up in my dreams sometimes too. It's okay.

Brianna Kay said...

Happens to me too. And I talk to (or hear from) a certain ex fairly often. I agree that I stroll down the lane a bit, remind myself what I gained from those times, remind myself of why I'm so happy to be here instead of there, and thank God that he knows better than I do. :)