I'm not sure what to say

I had every intention of starting today off with a post about my kids, or the rain we've had, or the fact that it's October! but I just can't muster the happiness for that.

Last night I witnessed the death of a 4 month old little boy.

You see when I first started working in the ER I knew that I was going to see some bad/sad things. I mean it IS an emergency room. But to be honest with you it's not at all like the shows that you see you tv. It's not chaos everyday. It's not bustling with people at all times. Nurses and doctors don't scream back and forth and there really aren't that many people that go postal while in the ER. (Though we did have a patient recently get mad and start tearing apart his room including throwing the stool, mattress and table thru the break-away doors and into the hallway.) For the most part it's actually quite the normal place. We do have our share of traumas and codes but we routinely see people who a) use the ER as their primary doctor, b) have minor lacerations, c) want to get out of work so they come to the ER, or d) are referred to the ER by Tricare since all the appointments on base are full. (The current complaint for patients: sore throat, cough, fever.)

When we do have a true emergency, it makes everyone work a little harder and reminds us why we do what we do.

Last night the page went out around the hospital, "Code Baby Blue to the ER" and my heart sank. No one ever wants to hear code blue but you really never want to hear code baby blue. I sat waiting to hear anything, any news that this baby was going to live but that news never came. I had to look his mother in the eyes as she came tearing into the ER and not say anything since I knew what she could only fear had happened. I had to cover my ears as she shrieked and sobbed after being told of his fate. I closed my door and said a prayer.

It's not right and it's not fair.

I remember walking out of the hospital the morning that my mother-in-law passed away and wondering how the world kept on going. Did people not realize that someone had just died? I can only imagine the torment that this family is going thru this morning. And me? I got to come home and see my healthy boys. I got to hug them and kiss them and hear them tell me about hooking the stroller up to the truck and driving it around (more on that later).

I'm just at a loss for words. Would you say a prayer for this family?

“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” Isaiah 55:6