Honker

Dear Honker,

I don't know who you are but believe me when I say that if I knew where you lived, I would come to your house and do the same thing to you as you do to me. {did that sound ridiculously harsh or what?}

Let me just explain something to you: when you come to a house near mine and honk your horn not once, not twice, not even three times but FOUR TIMES, I loose it. And not just "rolling of the eyes and complaining to my husband or anyone/thing with ears" loose it. I mean full on ranting and raving and daring to come out of the house in my pajamas (yes it's that bad) to confront you loose it.

You see, honking is perfectly acceptable when on a major road and the person in front of you is about to be hit by either yourself or another vehicle. It makes complete and perfect sense to alert another driver of immanent danger. It is also common knowledge that a slight honking to inform the driver in front of you that the light has been green for more than 30 seconds and therefore they may proceed, is in fact ok.

However honking at some one's house to alert the media that you have arrived or are waiting is NOT OK.

It's rude.

And obnoxious.

And loud.

And lazy.

And makes me want to come out and assault your vehicle with a really heavy piece of metal.

Just so you know.

I can "handle" it when I am sleeping during the day and know that the rest of the world {minus my fellow night co-workers} is carrying on like normal day/night individuals. Even though I might punch the pillow a couple of times when I hear you honk, I know that the rest of the world is awake and used to hearing lots of random noises.

But when you honk at 10:30 pm and my children are snug and sound asleep and my husband and I are having a nice relaxing evening parked on the couch and our dogs are being ever the guards that they are in our bed and you HONK and ruin that tranquility; by golly you have messed with the wrong momma.

Have you not ever heard of a cell phone? They are quite handy and when you pull up to a house and need to relay to the tenant(s) that you have arrived, you can bring forth this fantastic piece of technology and ever so quietly impart this knowledge.

You also have these nifty things called arms and legs. And if the aforementioned gadget is not functioning, you can use these arms and legs to walk up to the door and knock, thus allowing the home owner the privilege of knowing that you have indeed arrived.

(if for some reason you don't have legs or arms...well, why and how are you driving?)

Honking, however, is not on this list of approved means of letting yourself be known. Let me just reiterate:

It's rude.

And obnoxious.

And loud.

And lazy.

And makes me want to come out and assault your vehicle with a really heavy piece of metal.

Just so you know.

Very respectfully (but donning a hammer),

Clarissa {a person whom you don't know but might hear screaming at you to shut up}