My house is out to get me

Again, let me reiterate that I hate bugs and critters and varmint and things can go boo in the night.

Pretty much if there's a phobia connected to a _____, I am petrified of it.

I am so not kidding.

My husband has been so kind over the last eight years to not throw this fear in my face (for the most part). He's never chased me around with something in his hand. He's never made me touch something just for the sake of making me do it and then laughing at me. He's never left something out for me to stumble up upon and jump out of my hair with fright. He's a good man.

Unfortunately, I have two little boys. And they have not gone thru the rigorous training that my dear, sweet husband has. Plus they're little and oh so cute.

And my house? My house wants to destroy me. Literally. My house does not give once ounce of care about me. Remember the uninvited guest? Or the, {taking a breath} the mammoth cockroaches? All part of this houses funny way of turning my life inside out and laughing at me.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Our newest debacle happened this morning.

The boys had just woken up and I turned the tv on and went into the kitchen to put some breakfast together.

Tyson: Mommy, there's a worm.

Me: What?

Tyson: There's a worm.

Me: Huh?

Tyson: A WORM. On the tv!

Me: What in the world....

{screaming and running into our bedroom to rouse Stuart from precious sleep}

Me: THERE'S A GIANT WORM/BUG/SLIMY THING ON OUR TV!!!!

Stuart: gmhhjodmfuhojoas

Me: STUART, I AM NOT KIDDING. THERE IS A MAN EATING THING IN OUR HOUSE, ON OUR TV!

Stuart: {slowly getting up}

{gingerly making his way into the living room}

Tyson: Daddy, there's a big 'ole worm on the tv!

Stuart: Cool buddy!

Me: GET IT OUT OF HERE!

Stuart: Oh wow. It's a slug. How in the world did he get in here?

Me: I DON'T CARE.

Stuart: Wow, look at all those snail trails. He was having a good 'ole time on the tv.

{pulling out a step stool and flashlight}

Stuart: Wow, look honey. He was all over the place.

Me: I REALLY, REALLY DON'T CARE WHERE HE WAS. I JUST WANT HIM GONE.

proof of the fun this guy was having

the offender

(I kinda wanna gag just looking at this)

Seriously house, why me?!